Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
