It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
