They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
