Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
