Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
