Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
