so that wasnt chicken after all
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
