too bad you live with your parents still
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
