I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
