Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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