so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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