I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
