I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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