Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
