Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
