Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
