would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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