Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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