i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
