we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
