I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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