Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
