Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
