how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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