Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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