How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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