...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
