I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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