I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
