i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
