the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
