I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
