My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
