Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
