hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
smell my finger.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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