Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
