now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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