Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
