She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
