we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
