I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish you could order shots online.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
