6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
