i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
