I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
