I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
