you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
