Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize