Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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