Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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