I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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