dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
