Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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