the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
