I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
