I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
