The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
