i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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