Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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