Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
