you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
