I puked a lego.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm at about main and main street
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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