There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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