So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
