well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
