you turned your livingroom into a bong?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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